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My boyfriend of one year became crippled last 5 months ago after having been shot in the spine in a military offense. He cannot walk anymore and lost the use of both his legs. He is now dependent on a wheelchair. He used to be a very positive and jolly person but after the incident, he always seem to be so negative, depressed and mad against the world. We have already been living together for a year now. Through it all, I stayed with him because I love him and has promised I will always be there for him no matter what would happen. He's now discharged from the service and presently, he is an online web programmer which is quite a success too. I told him that a chapter has ended in his life and a new one begins. But still, he still has the negative attitude. He tells me that I can find a new guy and just leave him since he's useless already. Another things, because of the accident, he is having partial impotence which really hit his ego hard. But I don't mind. It's HIM that's more important to me. How can I convince him I still love him through it all and will always be here for him? He means the world to me. Living without him would mean the end of the world for me too. How can I regain his positive attitude towards life again? I love him so much.

Awwwww, this made me cry.

Someone asked me yesterday for help about her boyfriend, who was very depressed, but for different reasons. She wanted him to go back to therapy, but he didn't want to. I'll tell you what I told her -- I think you two need to go to therapy. I really do believe that it will be the best for the both of you. It will give you both an opportunity to talk to each, and have someone there to help you through your relationship and your relationship troubles; going to therapy might also help him realize how much you love him. I think he's angry and upset with what happens that he doesn't feel as though he serves purpose to the world; some might say that he loves you enough to not want to pull you down with him, and that is why he doesn't want you to be with him anymore. Do I believe that? I don't know what I believe, but I know that therapy will be a good option for both of you.

In the meantime, just be patient with him -- it sounds like you're being very patient as of now, and keep that up. If he gets angry and upset, don't leave if he yells at you. I know that if I am angry and upset, and need to just rant about something, nothing makes me angrier than when the person leaves the room whom I'm talking to -- it makes me think they're disinterested and don't want to hear what I have to say. Staying in the room,with him, when he is upset or angry shows you care about him and what he has to say. Small things like that can make a difference, really, and can really make someone feel like someone cares about them; I know that nothing makes me happier than knowing that someone wants to listen to me rant about something, even if it's stupid. Just try not to get overwhelmed by this, and be patient with him, because that can lead to more tension between you and your boyfriend. Therapy can help you learn ways to not get overwhelmed by what you must be feeling right now, and how to handle whatever stress you might feel regarding your boyfriend.

I really hope this is helpful, and I hope that you and your boyfriend can maintain the relationship you had before this incident. Stay strong. You and your boyfriend will be in my thoughts.

omg... tristan cullen!?!? no wonder u sound so like... that girl from twilight... bella... so annoying lol...

but being serious and all... tell him that if he doesn't love u anymore... than u'll break up with him... but.... tell him not to tell u what u need to do about finding a new guy and all that crap.... if u r with him it's cuz u love him, and that if he wants to mop around, be depressed and feel sorry for himself... then he can just do that, that u don't care... u told him u would be with him thru it all... and that u still love him, and understand why he's so pessimistic... because being truthful... if thta were to happen to u... you would probably feel just as insecure and sad the same way he does...

but thru it all... u are in love with him... and it's not a problem for u... and that as long as ur in love with him... u will be with him... regardless of his whining.... tell him not to tell u who u should b e with... because he's the one u want to be with

you guys need therapy. have you guys gone to therapy? I am very serious btw, this is not really something you can solve on y/a. he needs to properly grieve and you need to be coached on how to handle this ans well has have your own emotional support. Will the military pay for psychiatric help?

first u r really nice nice guy that u stay with him now and i think that u really love him but u should notice that because of what happened he might be thinking that u have mercy for him but u don't love him any more thats what he think maybe but even if think that he could never tell u what he thinks but u should like show him your love , lovely kisses repeatedally , deep eye contact , hugging alot that makes him feel your love dep inside and try to do some special things that he loved to do before or talked about but he didn't do it would be nice surprise for him ..
i hope that i helped u ...

first u r really nice nice guy that u stay with him now and i think that u really love him but u should notice that because of what happened he might be thinking that u have mercy for him but u don't love him any more thats what he think maybe but even if think that he could never tell u what he thinks but u should like show him your love , lovely kisses repeatedally , deep eye contact , hugging alot that makes him feel your love dep inside and try to do some special things that he loved to do before or talked about but he didn't do it would be nice surprise for him ..
i hope that i helped u ...

Sweetheart,
You don't need to convince him of your love and devotion. He needs to convince himself. No matter how hard you try, unless he truly feels it in his heart, he will just not believe that you would rather be with him, as he is, than to go out and find someone better. He needs to believe it in his own heart. I would suggest, if he'll go with you, couples counseling. Not to mention that he is probably still suffering from PTSD and other mental issues that would affect anyone who was in the same or similar situations. I am so proud of you for sticking by your partner and wanting to continue the relationship. He may be down now, but if you keep smiling and keep loving him, he will probably turn around. Someone who has had this type of injury to their bodies, probably had just as much damage done to their minds. It's not a simple thing of wishing him back to health. You will need to work with him to help him build his confidence back up. He's already accomplished part of that by getting a job and that always helps. The busier we are, the harder it is to feel sorry for ourselves. It could have been so much worse. My partner is still in Iraq and I worry that every day he may get injured or worse. There is nothing to do but what we can do and what you're already doing. Just remember that he has gone through that which most of us will never, ever experience. Try to convince him of the importance of counseling and that you'll be with him through it all. I wish you the best of luck and hope and love,
Bret

i'd hate for you to be cute...one less man for us! f*ckk